Has your idea of what makes a good friend changed as youβve gotten older?
Friendship is a lot like a mobile phone. It keeps updating as you grow older. Some features disappear, a few bugs remain, and suddenly you need a password to remember who your friends are!
Let me explain.
Version 1.0: Childhood β Friendship Without Background Checks
At seven, friendship had just one qualification: living in the neighbourhood and owning a packet of Parle-G.
“Will you be my best friend?”
“Do you have chocolates?”
“Yes.”
“Done. Best friends forever!”
By lunchtime, the same friend had betrayed me by joining another cricket team. By evening, we were friends again because his mother had made cake.
Childhood friendships were temporary, dramatic and heavily dependent on snacks.
Version 2.0: College β Unlimited Data, Zero Money
College friends were a different species. We shared everything: notes, clothes, secrets, crushes and occasionally one plate of chow mein between four people.
Our bank balance was βΉ27, but our dreams were worth millions.
“Let’s go to Goa!”
“Great! Who’s paying?”
Silence.
We didn’t have money, but we had confidence. And friends who would happily accompany us into trouble and then help us invent excuses.
Version 3.0: Adulthood β Friendship With Flexible Timings
Then came adulthood, when friendship became a little complicated.
Everyone had jobs, families, responsibilities and an endless list of things to do.
Meeting a friend required more planning than organising a wedding.
“Let’s meet on Sunday.”
“Which Sunday?”
“Any Sunday.”
“Not this month. We have guests.”
And so another beautiful friendship survived on WhatsApp forwards, birthday wishes and the occasional “We must catch up soon.
Version 4.0: The Spouse Edition β Lifetime Subscription
And then comes marriage.
Suddenly, you have a friend who cannot disappear for three months, because they live in the same house and know exactly where you keep the cash.
This person has seen you without makeup, without patience and occasionally without any logical explanation for your behaviour.
Me: “Do you think I’m difficult to live with?”
Spouse: “Not at all.”
Me: “Really?”
Spouse: “Of course. I’ve simply developed selective hearing.”
Me: “That’s wonderful. So have I!”
Marriage is probably the only friendship where both people have access to each other’s passwords, bank statements, embarrassing habits and the remote control.
And yet, somehow, it works .π
Version 5.0: The Chai, Gossip & pizza Edition
By now, friendship has reached a completely different level.
You don’t need a huge circle, daily phone calls or invitations to every social gathering.
You have one person who knows your stories, remembers your favourite food, tolerates your moods and can sit beside you for hours without demanding entertainment.
Someone who knows when to offer advice and when to quietly offer chai/ coffee β
No interviews, no background checks, no renewal fees.
I think I’ve finally reached that stage of life where my friendship requirements have become wonderfully simple.
Earlier, I wanted a gang, a group, a circle and a calendar full of outings.
Now, one good friend is quite enough.
Preferably the one who shares my home, my laughter, my occasional madness and the responsibility of finding the TV remote.
Childhood friends gave me memories. College friends gave me stories I can’t tell my kids. Office friends gave me sanity. My spouse gave me all of the above, plus someone to split the last slice of pizza with. Mostly.
.
14 responses to “Friendship 5.0: From Parle-G Promises to Lifetime Subscriptions.”
Version 4.0…i need a little more clarity π I don’t know if I can call it friendship…what’s between husband & wife. There’s a difference there Meeta…. You can have a baby with your partner but not your friend π and you can’t really share your bank credentials with a close friend, no matter how close and intimate a friend is…. π
Something to chew on?
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Ha, fair point. π You’ve got me there. Husband and wife is a whole different department: shared babies, shared bank accounts, shared blankets (and the nightly blanket war).
What I meant by “best friend” is the part that makes all of that work. It’s the person you can be completely yourself with, who stays when things get tough, and who still laughs at your jokes after the hundredth time.
So I don’t see it as friendship instead of marriage, but friendship at the heart of marriage. Everything else rests on it. π
Thanks for making me think deeper. That’s the best kind of comment.ππ
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That said, a lovely post…and well written out in different versions. Meeta, you really ace this daily prompt thingy ππ»ππ»βπ»
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Thank you so much, this really means a lot to me.π Comments like yours are what keep me writing. And thanks for the earlier point too, it pushed me to think deeper.
A “daily prompt thingy” does sound like a very official title, so I’m keeping it! π Hope to see you in the next post.
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I like the way you went through this, Meeta … the different stages and ages too… coming to the 5.0 version- sometimes one person is plenty…π€
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Thank you so much. π I loved writing it, and I’m glad the different stages came through.
And yes, you’ve said it so beautifully: sometimes one person really is plenty. After all the updates, the crayons, noodles, and meeting eye-rolls, that one person makes the whole journey worth it.
Thanks for reading and for such a lovely commentπβ€οΈ
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Such a fun read. Friendship really does go through software updates as we grow older. Childhood friends needed snacks, college friends needed money, and adult friends need three weeksβ notice and a cancellation policy. And the spouse edition? Thatβs the only subscription you canβt cancel without a lengthy discussion! Loved the pizza and remote-control ending.
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Thank you, so glad you enjoyed it! π And I’m stealing “three weeks’ notice and a cancellation policy” for my next catch-up with friends. That’s painfully accurate. π
You’re right about the spouse edition too: no cancel button, just a lengthy discussion and someone still holding the remote. π
Thanks for reading and for such a fun commentπ
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Perhaps the confusion begins when we try to fit marriage into the category of friendship. A spouse may be our companion and confidant, but the relationship comes with a whole set of responsibilities and privileges that friendship doesn’t necessarily include. A friend can listen to our complaints and return home; a spouse gets to hear the sequel, the director’s cut and all the deleted scenes! Haha. I suppose that’s where the real difference lies.
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Hahaha “the director’s cut and all the deleted scenes” is the best description of marriage I’ve read all week! π You’re absolutely right: a friend hears the complaint and goes home, while a spouse gets the sequel, the prequel, and the bloopers.
When I wrote “best friend” for Version 4.0, I wasn’t trying to squeeze marriage into the friendship box. I meant that the qualities of friendship (trust, laughter, being yourself) are what I treasure most in my spouse. Marriage adds the big extras: family, responsibilities, shared life. So it’s friendship plus, not friendship instead.
And honestly, the friend who also sits through the director’s cut and still buys popcorn deserves a medal. πΏπ
Thank you for such a thoughtful comment.
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Lol! Love your witty response. π
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Good response ππΌ
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Thanks so much for posting.
My BFF from school and I have been friends for over 50 years. I can call her anytime, and whether it’s been three weeks or three months, it always feels like I just saw her yesterday.
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What a beautiful friendship, 50 years is such a gift, and that “it feels like yesterday” connection is the best kind. Thank you for sharing this, it made me smile. Wishing you and your BFF many more years of wonderful catch-ups! π
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