Healing through words 😄

    The Fine Art of Selective Hearing: My Brain’s Ultimate Noise-Canceling Feature

    What is one thing you can’t live without?

    What is the one thing I cannot live without?”

    I don’t have a hearing problem. I have a very sophisticated filtering system. Unfortunately, it has excellent taste and a terrible work ethic!”
    — The Selective Listener 😜

    Forget coffee, Wi-Fi and chocolate. My real survival essential is selective hearing

    I suspect I was born with a highly advanced sound-filtering system. Unfortunately, it has a mind of its own.

    Let’s get one thing straight. I am not ignoring you. Well, technically I am, but scientifically speaking, my brain has simply outsourced its filters to a higher, more peaceful dimension.

    For instance, someone can call my name five times unnecessary, and I won’t move an eyebrow. But let a packet of chips open somewhere in the house, and I’ll appear like a magician.

    My hearing has three settings:

    Setting 1: Deep Sleep Mode

    “Could you please do something?”

    Silence.

    “Did you hear me?”

    Still silence.

    Setting 2: Superhuman Alert Mode

    “There’s cake in the fridge!”

    Me: “WHAT? WHO BROUGHT IT? IS IT CHOCOLATE?”

    Setting 3: Emergency Shutdown

    Someone begins a long explanation of something I neither understand nor wish to understand.

    My brain: “Thank you for your contribution. This conversation has been automatically deleted.”

    The best part? This wonderful ability allows me to live in complete peace. I don’t hear unnecessary arguments, pointless complaints or unsolicited advice.

    While the world is busy discussing, debating and disagreeing, I’m happily enjoying my own little bubble of silence.

    To the outside observer, selective hearing looks like rudeness or absent-mindedness. To me, it is a necessary mental health firewall.

    Of course, occasionally someone accuses me of not listening.

    What can I say? My ears are not defective. They’re highly selective employees who work only when the subject is interesting.

    And honestly, I wouldn’t give them a salary hike for anything!

    So, what can I not live without? Selective hearing, of course.

    It’s cheaper than therapy, more effective than noise-cancelling headphones and comes with unlimited peace of mind

    12 responses to “The Fine Art of Selective Hearing: My Brain’s Ultimate Noise-Canceling Feature”

      • आपको और आपके परिवार को भी दीपावली की हार्दिक शुभकामनाएं! 🪔 आपके जीवन में दीयों की रोशनी की तरह खुशियाँ, सुख और समृद्धि जगमगाती रहे।

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    5. Meeta, I think I know a few furry and feathered creatures who have mastered this particular superpower! I’m beginning to wonder whether you’ve been whispering training instructions into their ears, because Sir Rambo, Tweety and Russel seem to have exactly the same sophisticated filtering system! 🤣🐾

      I can call Rambo until I’m blue in the face, but let a cheese or cookie wrapper rustle somewhere in the house and suddenly his hearing is restored. Tweety, my youngest son’s African grey can ignore everyone but the minute he smells food, he becomes very vocal and will ask you where is it or he starts thanking everyone. LOL! And Russel, my son’s Jack Russell? Well, I suspect he’s another expert in pretending not to hear until something delicious appears! 😂

      I particularly loved your three settings, especially the automatic deletion of conversations that aren’t worth listening to. I think we could all use that feature occasionally!

      And your description of selective hearing as a mental health firewall had me laughing. Perhaps it’s not a hearing problem at all. Perhaps it’s simply knowing which conversations deserve our attention!

      Thank you for another wonderfully entertaining read, Meeta. I thoroughly enjoyed this one, and I always love the laughter you bring along.

      Sending a big hug! ❤️🤗

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